Is Marriage Looming?

Folks, 

    I can see how people up here at BYU-Idaho can get married after three months of dating each other. I have been dating my girlfriend for a month (singular) now and we are fairly close. eleven more of these and I might ask her to marry me. Marriage is looming, but just on the other side of the horizon. This excites me emotionally and spiritually. 

    I was doing some reading this week that lead me to wonder and think on the idea that marrying younger (between 19 and 25) increases the chances of success in a marriage. This is due to the increased meshing capabilities of the two individuals.

    You see, when two young people get married, they don't go join with each other in marriage with as many expectations of what life SHOULD be like. Those with increased expectations may, and probably will, have less marital satisfaction. They end up more unhappy because their expectations less likely to be met, simply because they have more of them individually. 
    
    When two young people marry, they are more likely to go into the marriage with less expectations than their older counter parts. If you have been following along with this blog, you may or may not remember my thoughts on expectations versus agreements. If you haven't been following along. I will give a brief overview of that post. 

    My thoughts on expectations are that they lead to disappointment. An expectation is an uncommunicated need. An agreement is a communicated and mutual thought and plan of action. Expectations lead to disharmony and disaccord. On the other hand, agreements are lead by communication and care. 

    Now, I am not saying that two people over the age of 25 are bound to struggle more than two people under the age of 25 when they marry. Any two people have the opportunity and capability to communicate needs and ask for accommodations for those needs. In fact, I would highly recommend that course of action! 

    What I am saying is that those people who have not lived on their own and made their personal habits and routines are more likely to mesh their needs, both by giving more and asking for less, than those who have made and strongly set their own personal needs and routines over more years. Again, this isn't to say that this meshing is impossible, or even unlikely for couples who met and/or married at an older age. 

    A note on meshing: I don't know to what extent meshing of lives is healthy. I have a tendency for codependency and I know that that situation is very unhealthy in a dating or friend relationship. However, in a marriage, man and woman have been commanded to become one heart and one flesh. I do not know if this is a codependent relationship or the perfect harmony of two individuals meeting each other's needs perfectly and freely. 

    Marriage seems to be looming, and I am moving towards it consciously and carefully, very carefully. 

            Thanks for reading
                -Ammon Rasmussen

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