Stress and the Family

 Hello you people! You one, singular people who reads these posts. 

This week I have been thinking on family stressors and how I will respond to them. I have been thinking about how my own family reacted to stressors as well. I did not want to involve them in this process of learning because my family and I are not in a good place right now when it comes to family stressors. Half of my family took the other half to court and I was asked to be in the middle by both sides. Not a fun experience, you know? I guess I am more angry about it than I thought I was. It hurt everyone a lot. Some members of my family responded by lashing out and others, like myself, responded by placing space between myself and the rest of the family. This was a really apt case strudy for family stressors. 

In my Wildlife Law and Policy class, we talk about cumulative effects. Cumulative effects are defined as effects from actions that have been taken, are being taken, and will be taken. I would say that this last family event definitely is a cumulative effect and will have cumulative effects on the family for decades to come. However, the following generations do not have to have their lives infected by the same feelings that led to this court case. This will all depend on how the family heals and moves on, or fails to do such, after this stressful event. 

I think it started with a very VERY common stressor. This would be the birth of my folks' first child. My older sibling was well looked forward to. I was then born about two years later and my younger sibling followed three years later, after a very unfortunate miscarriage. With each successive child, more stress was places on my parents' lives. This led them them driving wedges in their relationship by fighting consistently and constantly. It was not a safe home, growing up. My mother seemed to be the aggressor. She left my father and tried to keep us three kids away from him. Then he tried to keep us away from her. It was very messy for a child to be involved in. I say this to set the backdrop and to briefly discuss stressors my family has been through. My parents never stopped suing each other. 

When the last of their ill shared children left the home, it was under stressful circumstances. After continued outreach by my father, she served him a restraining order. She doesn't know how to write a restraining order. It was my mother who was the driving force behind this. She has never forgiven or come out from the terrible pit of the divorces she's been through. She is still angry. 

This all will be in stark contrast to how I will deal with stress when I form my own family. There will be no knives drawn on each other, no pottery thrown at heads, and no kidnapping of the children. 

I will frequently check in with my wife and children so as to know what they are thinking and feeling and how they are doing. I will act in such ways, privately and publicly, so as to show them love and immense, tender care. I will build the relationships that my parents never had with each other or their children. I am doing the research to make sure I will have to tools I need to make this happen. 

Above all else, I will trust in my Savior, Jesus Christ, to fill in where I might fall short. He, only one. 

With great feeling,

-AR