Thoughts On My New Girlfriend

 Guys and Gals,

What a week it has been. I have been thinking heavily on the subject of dating. I got a girlfriend. I have been working on that for a long time now. I will tell you how I went about it and how I could improve it next time. I will also explain my thoughts of the Relationship Attachment Model (RAM).

I went on 12 dates in 14 weeks last semester. Not many of those were repeat dates though. This semester, however, I have been on 13 more dates and several of them were with a friend of mine that I have known since the beginning of last semester. Her and I had spent many many hours together prior to our first date. She asked me out first, which I kind of really like. Women who take initiative and responsibility are attractive to me. I have initiated every other date that her and I have been on though. However, her first date idea did not work out like she had planned and there was no back up plan on her part, so I ended up taking charge on that one too. 

It may be quite controversial, but I have come to think that men are meant to preside over the family unit. A good practice for this is to plan dates. A date has been defined as a planned, paired off, and paid for activity. This, to me, has great significance in that it allows for practice presiding, protecting, and providing. These are things I have been studying and thinking about this week. 

Presiding looks like taking the lead and planning activities and budgets and such. Providing also includes budgets, as well as the actual procurement of monetary and other physical assets. I find this part of relationships to be very enjoyable. Providing and presiding seems to come naturally when I am close to Jesus in my personal and private life. Another part of relationships that is just as important as presiding and providing it protecting. Protecting is not just about physical or emotional threats. It can also be about spiritual threats such as music with inappropriate messages or movies with scenes and messages that should not be taken in. Other attacks come in the form of snide comments from mean spirited folks. I am still working out how to protect my new girlfriend from those. My idea on that subject is to build her up in such a way that she knows her worth and beauty are intrinsic and not at all related to what other people say or think about her. 

Dating is a lot of fun, and the commitment is low at first. Let me start with this: the RAM states that there are five sectors in any relationship. They are as follows: know, trust, rely, commit, touch. The main idea that goes along with all those sectors is that they act on a spectrum and each sector should not supersede, or be higher on its respective spectrum, than the preceding one. This can be really difficult when considering natural tendencies and appetites/needs.

For a long time, I thought that I needed a certain level of touch to be happy. I have since learned that happiness is a choice, excluding circumstances such as depression or other mental illnesses. With that in mind, the hugs I ger from my girlfriend are icing on the cake of life. They make it all that much more enjoyable, and I know that I am okay without them when I am away from her for any amount of time. The same concept applies to all the other sectors of the RAM. 

Anyways, I hope these ideas and thoughts help to clarify your own thoughts. If you have any questions, feel free to comment and I will get back to you with further insights of clarification.

Sincerely, 

-AR

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