Somewhere Other Than The Night

 Hey Everyone, 


This blog post is on the subject of physical touch and love. Particularly intimate touch. Read if you will. 

I have been studying up on the healthy vs unhealthy ways to go about intimate relationships that involve touch. The touch I studied ranged from hugs to sexual intercourse. It was very interesting and a bit uncomfortable, honestly. 

I have learned about what physical touch is healthy and at what levels of commitment they are each okay. It follows the Relationship Attachment Model that I have discussed previously. As each of the four other indices increase, touch can also healthily increase. This can be a very tricky process for someone who hasn't been taught the things I have learned this semester. I have made my own fair share of mistakes concerning getting the RAM indices mixed up and out of order; unbalanced if you will. In my new relationship, I have been working hard to keep things balanced and even. 

One thing I have done as I get increasingly connected to my girlfriend is this: consent. I did not deem a moment the "right moment" to just lean in and kiss her. I asked if I could and if she would like me to kiss her. It is an ongoing thing and we both really like it. I plan to carry this practice into the future of this relationship. As touch gets more intimate, even to the ultimate physical intimacy of sex (after marriage, of course), I will continue to ask her for consent before I initiate anything. There may come a time when she says my asking is getting old. If that happens, her and I will work out what works for us. For now, this works really well. 

I have thought a lot about consent and what it means and consists of. There are some basic tenants of consent that I have decided on for my own definition. Firstly, it must be freely given. If there is pressure or coercion of any kind, it is not true and real consent. It is a hollow, negative thing at that point. Secondly, consent must be revocable at ANY moment. The power to say "stop" and being respected in such a way that a partner will listen and obey that wish is paramount to consent being fully there. Third, consent cannot be implied. It must be up front and vocal. This is a protection for all. It is a moment to pause and question if the action I am about to partake in is something that I and my partner should really engage in. It is a moment of reflection for all, unless the natural appetites have been let loose completely, which is strongly counselled against. 

I am sure there are other things that I will add to this list as I learn more about this topic. For now, that is what I know about consent in my own life. If any of you have additional ideas, please let me know! I would love to learn from you. 

Another thing I have been thinking about in regards to consensual touch is that there ALWAYS needs to be touch outside of touch that leads to babymaking activities. There is a song that I have heard Garth Brooks sing called Somewhere Other Than The Night. The song discusses that a man needs to show his woman love and affection somewhere other than the night. I may be misreading the song, but this is how I choose to take it. I imagine this idea to be a very important part of continuing to date one's spouse after marriage. Dating should not involve sex, while marriage should. Marriage should also include continued affection and love outside of the bedroom. People need to know they're cared for more than just for the pleasure that they can give to others using their bodies. 


Thanks for reading!

-AR

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